Theology in Life

I feel that what I fear to lose the most, is that which I have yet to gain...

My Old Testament professor, Dr. Talley, always talks about how the Old Testament is theology in life--as opposed to the New Testament, which is often just straight, preached theology. Perhaps I am beginning to understand that more in my own life.

Rubbish just gets tangled in my mind. I mean, it doesn't matter that I have a great family, an awesome God, and have been rather successful in the field I am pursuing. It doesn't matter. Somehow I still manage to feel grieved or empty over something. Some girl I'm in love with, friends, study habits, homesickness, worries about the future...it's like my soul can't operate without finding something to worry itself about! I suppose this is just an inevitable consequence of the Fall, but still--it's frusturating.

Once in a while, however, I get knocked in the head--a rather well-meaning knock on the head from the Holy Spirit. "Don't you remember My promise," calls out that familiar voice, "Have I not always provided all that you need?"

Then of course I feel horrible; "why do I doubt...why do I worry." A guilt trip ensues with unreasonable amounts of emotional implications, spurring on, of course, a few vague Facebook status updates that speak of my sorrow.

After I'm done feeling sorry for myself, however, I usually get the smarts to do something. This past week, I did something to stop the cylce. Remembering the words of Philippians 4, that God provides peace to those who lift up their concerns to God, I determined in my mind to give God as much time as He needed with me.

I went before God in prayer. I even did something new: I would read a Psalm out loud, reflect on it, and then pray a prayer related to what the Psalm stirred in me. Wow, it was powerful. Though it was only a little more than an hour, an hour before the presence of God is as fulfilling as hundreds elsewhere.

So, a week later I'm feeling better. Pesky thoughts of evasive girls have lessened, a contentment in the midst of my busy schedule has begun, and I haven't had to spend another lonely walk around campus just to get my mind off grief. Praise be to God who is faithful and true. Praise be to the God whose glory renews. May I grow in this knowledge...not let it be in vain.


Philippians 4:6-7
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.