Lost in self

How beautiful it is to be released from myself. To be so far from the comforts of God, and then to suddenly be brought back into His loving arms. The joy of the Holy Spirit replaces the anxiety of approval, the burden of success and the tension of deadlines.

I have been so consumed with succeeding. I have been so obsessed with gaining my superiors' approval, that I have lost sight of Him whom all thanks must be given for my very life. But how sublime it is to find Him again--though He never really lost me; I only took my heart and mind and wondered from Him to drink the pleasures of the world, which as always, prove vain and temporal.

It is not that I should not seek excellence--no, may God be glorified in my excellence! But how sad it would be to gain the world, but lose my soul, as the cliché goes. It is God who has given me the brilliant opportunities I have in D.C., why should I now turn to myself to deliver?

Surrender. Surrender. And getting to a place by myself. That is what released all this tension for me today. I have been trying so hard to be more of a "people person," that I forgot how much I enjoy time alone. My body, my mind needs to be alone every so often. When I finally was alone for several hours today I had a chance to just breathe...for a moment. No need to look like a leader to everyone around me. No putting on my extrovert face to hide my real desire to just relax. And God met me in my solitude, reminding me of who I really am--in Christ.

My old self, my flesh fell as my regenerated Spirit claimed back my soul. Now if I could remember this peace, and not lose it as I enter another work week. That I would not again allow my flesh to savagely hunger after the world. But that my Spirit would temper my temperaments, and submit the Old Man. It is not me anymore.

"He who loses his life for My sake will find it."

Jesus